The Harry Potter Crazy Skit Thingie
by Sammi Kadachi Metallium Ishida
Summary: Well, lets just say: They're sane most of the time, but it seems like mostly everybody in Hogwarts are losing their minds. It's weird even for Fred and George! Even Percy seems to be cracking up. Please R/R, and have the time of your life!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I wrote this when I had no ideas in my head, and I'll be putting them   
down as I write...it's going to get really crazy, so...enjoy! Oh, and by the   
way...I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, AND HALLOWEEN! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay,   
there's another thing: I do not own 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' or   
'Scary Movie'.  
  
(We find Harry at home, having yet another trecherous (sp?) summer at the   
Dursleys, the day before the Weasleys are going to pick him up for the   
Hogwarts Express ride...)  
  
Harry: Dudley! Get away from my milk!  
  
Dudley: But it's choooocolate milk!   
  
Harry: So what's your point?  
  
Dudley: You better give me that milk...  
  
Harry: Well, you'll never get it!  
  
Dudley: And why is that? You can't do magic outside of that school of yours!  
  
Harry: *Lowers his voice* Because, Duddikinns... *Buggs his eyes out, and   
throws his head back* I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!!!   
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dudley: NOOOOO!!! *Runs out screaming about derranged cops, and candy   
machines*  
  
Vernon: Harry! Give me your chocolate milk!  
  
Harry: 1942, Alex!  
  
Vernon: What the heck are you talking about, boy?  
  
Harry: Nothing...but I think you should know this...for your own good...YOU   
ARE THE WEAKEST LINK! GOODBYE! *Runs out of the kitchen, and into his room*  
  
*Hedwig flies into Harry's room carrying a red note*  
  
Harry: Oh no! A howler! *Opens it*  
  
Howler: I'M COMING TO VIPE YOUR VIDOWS!  
  
Harry: NOOOO! SOMEONE IS COMING TO STICK A VIPER IN OUR WIDOWS BREAKFAST...   
*pause* Or...or something similar. But wait, we don't have any widows...   
UNCLE VERNON, AND AUNT PETUNIA ARE DIVORCING!  
  
*Harry runs dowstairs where the rest of the family is watching TV*  
  
Harry: Uncle! Is it true?  
  
Vernon: No! These are all actors, you twit! Now go back to your room!  
  
Harry: Are you and...  
  
Vernon: GO!!!  
  
Harry: Fine! *Goes up te stairs, and sticks his head through the staircase   
polls when he's up* Magic...magic...MAGIC!  
  
Dursleys: AAAAAHHHH!!!!  
  
*Goes back to his room, and sees Hedwig has another letter*  
  
Harry: Lets see...it's from Hermione...  
  
*The Letter Reads:  
  
*Dear Harry,  
  
*I need to tell someone! I just have to! So guess what, Harry? I'm dropping   
three classes, and I'm going to be ditching Charms every other week!  
  
*Hermione*  
  
Harry: Wooow...   
  
*Vernon comes up the stairs, and opens the door to Harry's room*  
  
Vernon: Harry! These people wont be coming in...flying cars, or...or   
anything, will they? Because if they are...  
  
Harry: Don't worry, Uncle Vernon. They wont.  
  
Hedwig: He needs to get over his grudge about magic...  
  
Harry: EEEK! YOU TALK!!!  
  
Hedwig: People can understand animals as long as they're pure of heart!  
  
Harry: Am I in a spin-off of Gordy?   
  
Hedwig: NO! *Pause* Guess what, Harry? I brought you a little present!  
  
Harry: *Queasy* You didn't...  
  
Hedwig: Yep, I did! Just to warn you, it may be a little bloody at first. As   
a matter of fact, I think it's unconcious at the moment! I left it in the   
watering can! *Flies outside, and brings back a grass snake*  
  
Harry: Oh, Hedwig! What is this for?  
  
Hedwig: Now you can order it on Vernon, and and Petunia, and Dudley, and all   
your other enemy people...  
  
Harry: Great, Hedwig...uh, thanks...  
  
Snake: *Whoozy* Easy squeazy lemon peasy...  
  
Harry: Are you awake?  
  
Hedwig: You know, Harry, if you don't want him, I could...  
  
Harry: No, no, I think I'll keep him. Snake, are you okay?  
  
Snake: We all live in a yellow submarine...  
  
Harry: No we don't! You're inside a house! Wake up, snake! What's your name?  
  
Snake: I'm Nagino...  
  
Harry: Your name sounds like...  
  
Nagino: Yeah, I'm Nagini's cousin!  
  
Harry: EEK!  
  
Nagino: No, no. I've given up on the whole evil thing...I'm to short...  
  
Hedwig: I'm not invisible!  
  
Harry: Why am I talking to two animals?  
  
Hedwig: WHAT ARE YOU BOTH HISSING AT?!  
  
Harry and Nagino: Nothing!  
  
Hedwig: I can't understand you! Goodbye! I'm going to Ron's! HISS HISS! I   
DONT KNOW WHAT I SAID, BUT I HOPE IT WAS AN INSULT!  
  
Nagino: Why did the owl just say I needed a tic tac?  
  
Harry: Well, Nagino, no offence, but...  
  
*At that point, Petunia barges into Harry's room to tell him that it's time   
for dinner*  
  
Petunia: Harry, I always knew you were insane, but I never thought that you   
would... *sees the snake, and that it can obviously understand Harry*   
AAAHHHHH!!!  
  
Harry: No, wait!  
  
Petunia: VERNON! HE'S NUTS! HE'S PLOTTING WITH SNAKES AGAINST US! I KNEW THIS   
DAY WOULD COME! HE'S CRACKED, AND HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL! *Trips over her   
own feet, and falls down the stairs* VERNON! GET-OW! DUDLEY OUT OF-OW! OUT OF   
THE HOUSE! OW!  
  
Vernon: Petunia, dear, what is he doing?  
  
Petunia: He's conversing with a snake up in his room, Vernon! And the snake   
can understand him! I tell you, Vernon! He's plotting with that snake! Soon   
that snake will be out into the woods getting all his animal friends to   
attack us! Soon we'll have...we'll have...elephants running through our   
living room!  
  
Vernon: Well, I don't think a snake can go that far. Now calm down, Petunia.   
I know the boy is a nutter, but there is no way he can converse with a SNAKE!   
  
Petunia: But he was hissing at it, and...  
  
Vernon: Now, Petunia...calm down. We'll just have him skip dinner tonight, so   
we don't have to bother with him.  
  
*Back at Harry's room*  
  
Nagino: What was that woman screaming about?  
  
Harry: Well, she's one of the worst Muggles there are, and she absolutely   
hates magic, or the mention of anything that defies physics. My uncle is the   
same. Four years ago, I had a dream about a flying motorcylce, and I told him   
about it. All he said was 'Motorcycles don't fly!'  
  
Nagino: Excuse, me, will you part your bangs please?  
  
Harry: Sure...  
  
Nagino: I knew it! I knew it! You're Harry Potter! The great Harry Potter!   
Nagini will be so envious of me!   
  
A/N: Remember, I am writing exactly what comes to mind...when I brought the   
snake into the picture, I had no intention of making it Nagini's cousin...it   
just came to my head, and I wrote it. Okay, moving along.  
  
Harry: You're not going to tell them where I live or, whatever I do, are you?  
  
Nagino: No! Of course not! Hey Harry, can I ask you a favor?  
  
Harry: Sure. What is it?  
  
Nagino: Harry...WILL YOU SIGN MY HEAD?  
  
Harry: Your head?   
  
Nagino: Well, I don't have a house, so I couldn't hang it up, or anything,   
and without arms, I can't possibly carry it around withme my whole life.  
  
Harry: But wont the ink be a little dangerous to put on your skin?  
  
Nagino: You're right...man, I hate being a snake!  
  
*Vernon comes up the stairs*  
  
Vernon: Boy, I just wanted to tell you that you scared your aunt, so you're   
not having dinner tonight! You're just... AH!!!! HE'S TALKING TO A SNAKE!!!   
EVIL BEING! EVIL! EEEEVVVIIILLL!!!  
  
Harry: Uncle Vernon, please! It's just a game!  
  
Vernon: *Eyes bulge out* AAAHHH!!! The boy is crazy!   
  
Nagino: Stop screaming!  
  
Harry: He can't understand you!  
  
Vernon: HE'S DOING IT AGAIN!   
  
*Vernon runs out of the room screaming for Dudley*  
  
Vernon: Dudley! Duddikins! Quickly! Get out of the house! The boy is   
conversing with snakes! Quickly!  
  
Petunia: I told you, Vernon! He's going to kill us all! Dudley! Dudley boy,  
can't you hear me!  
  
*But Dudley is in his room, listening to a Britney Spears CD*  
  
Dudley: OOPS! I did it again! I played with your heart! Got lost in the game!  
  
Vernon: *Rushes into Duddikins room* Dudley! Harry is...is...oh, Dudley, is  
this Britney Spears? I love Britney Spears! The one who does the coca cola  
commercial, right? *Sings* My heart won't skip a beat! Ride! Just enjoy the  
ride!  
  
Petunia: *Comes in* Dudley! Vernon! Oh, is this Britney Spears? *Sings* Don't  
need a reason why everything's a ride! Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba! Oh,   
pepsi cola!  
  
Vernon: Very good singing, Petunia!  
  
Dudley: Now, what were you going to tell me?  
  
Vernon: I was going to tell you that Harry's gone crazy, and is talking with  
a snake in his room, but we want to listen to more Britney Spears!   
  
Petunia: But getting out of the house is more important than Britney Spears!  
  
Dudley: No it isn't! As a matter of fact, I've been madly in love with her  
since I was eight!  
  
Vernon: I must admit, she is very cute!  
  
Petunia: Vernon! *Slaps him*  
  
Vernon: Ow...  
  
Dudley: Quick! We have to get out!  
  
*So the Dursley's fled the household, and Harry was left all alone with the  
snake. Tune in next time when the Weasley's come to pick Harry up at home!  
Without the Dursley's, who knows what will happen? Oh, and by the way, the  
two things that the Dursley's took with them on their journey far, far   
away; was a discman, and a Britney Spears CD* 


	2. Here Come the Weasley's

A/N: Well, here we are! Thank you for my two best reviewers, and Fleur for  
noting the "Easy Squezy Lemon Peasy" is from Hey Arnold. Thanks, you two!  
Oh, and nothing here is mine exept the plot.   
  
A/N: This chapter is going to be REEEEEAL long, so prepare! MUAHAHAHAHA!  
  
*The next morning*  
  
Harry: Uncle Vernon? Aunt Petunia? Dudley?  
  
Nagino: Face it, kid! They flew the coop! I mean, they aren't exactly rocket  
scientists.  
  
Harry: Nagino...they're Muggles...  
  
Nagino: Exactly!  
  
Harry: Hey, Ron and his family are coming to pick me up soon. Do you want to  
wait by the fireplace?  
  
Nagino: Why the fireplace?  
  
Harry: Well, usually they use Floo powder.   
  
Nagino: But what if they mispronounce the name! And then they end up in  
some...Top Secret Agent building! Or...the zoo! Actually, they'd blend in  
quite well...  
  
Harry: Nagino!  
  
Nagino: What? I'm serious!  
  
Harry: Why don't we watch some TV?  
  
Nagino: Good idea.   
  
Harry: Hey, now that the Dursley's are out, I can install the wizard   
channels.  
  
Nagino: But isn't it illegal to use magic outside of school if you're   
underage?  
  
Harry: Hm...you're right about that. *Pause* OH WELL!!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
Nagino: Harry, are you okay?  
  
Harry: Yes...yes...I just lost my mind. Well, I was just...erm...kidding  
about installing the channel. I guess we'll just watch the Muggle channels.  
  
Nagino: Watch the news! The news! I've never seen the news before!  
  
Harry: All right. *Turns the news on*  
  
Reporter: This morning, three raving lunatics were found running amok through  
a park, screaming that somebody was going to kill all of them. The boy looked  
about sixteen, and the others are said to be his parents. Witnesses say that  
they were screaming that a boy plotting against them with snakes, and then  
something about elephants in the living room. Sadly, these loonies were not  
caught. If you see them, or have any information about them, please contact  
the news.   
  
Harry: Should I call?  
  
Nagino: Definetely! Hey, wait a minute, Harry! Look at the screen.  
  
*On the screen, the Dursley's are running across the street screaming about  
snakes, elephants, derranged cops, and candy machines. They stop, and run up  
to the camera*  
  
Vernon: Harry, we know you're out there at home making a mess of the whole   
house!  
  
Petunia: But don't think you can get away that easily! And we're especially  
mad at you for knowing what Dudley did last summer!  
  
Dudley: It was an accident!  
  
Harry: Yeah, right!  
  
Vernon: We'll get you, Harry! Someday! Someday!  
  
Petunia: We're watching you...watching you! Watching...watching...WATCHING!!!  
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
*All of the Dursley's run across the street screaming MUAHAHAHAHA!!!   
Actually, only Petunia and Vernon were saying that. Dudley was screaming   
about gumballs being rigged, and Britney Spears*  
  
Reporter: Catch them! Quickly!  
  
*The camera man drops the camera, and the screen breakes. Now back in the  
newscast room, where two newscasters are sitting*  
  
Newscaster: Since there's nothing more to show over there, lets have a little  
talk from our newscasters!  
  
Newscaster: I have to admit, that was very...strange.  
  
Newscaster: I hope they get caught.  
  
Newscaster: Oh well! Back to the sports!  
  
*The camera goes to last nights soccer game*  
  
A/N: Did you know that Dean is REALLY obsessed about football? Well, I have  
an English gym teacher, and he says that in England, football is called  
soccer, and soccer is called football. Okay, this is really confusing me,   
now.  
  
Reporter: Last night, the visiting team won by a landslide. Everyone was  
disappointed, but I say that this fifteen year old boy was the most   
disappointed of all. Lets see if we can have a word with him. *The camera  
switches to a boy* Can you tell us your name?  
  
Harry: Hey, that's...  
  
Boy: I'm Dean Thomas.   
  
Reporter: And how disappointed about this loss were you?  
  
Dean: Those freaks weren't even trying! All of them should either be fired,   
or sent to some kind of camp!  
  
Reporter: We seem to have a clip of you at the game. Would you mind if it  
was shown on live TV?  
  
Dean: Show on.  
  
*Now the camera goes to the video*  
  
Dean: What the? You could have blocked that! You bunch of losers! I'll zap  
you all to bits! Avada---  
  
*At that moment, somebody pushes Dean over*   
  
*The doorbell rings*  
  
Harry: That must be Ron and his family! Strange, I thought they would use  
Floo Powder for sure!  
  
*Nagino slithers onto Harry's shoulder, and Harry opens the door, where Ron,  
Molly, Arthur, Percy, Fred, George, and Ginny are standing*  
  
Harry: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Hi...Ginny.  
  
Ginny: *Blushes, and tries to play 'hard to get'* YOU CAN'T HAVE ME! YOU   
CAN'T HAVE ME! YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!  
  
Harry: Sure, whatever, Ginny. Now go play somewhere.  
  
Ginny: Try as you might!   
  
Harry: Whatever, Virginia.  
  
Ginny: DON'T CALL ME VIRGINIA! I HATE THAT NAME! *Storms off to the couch,   
sits down, and crosses her arms*  
  
Molly: Harry, dear, I brought you a present! *Molly takes out a sweater* It  
is getting a little chilly around here. Besides, you'll probably have lost it  
or grown out of it by Christmas.  
  
Fred: Hey, where's the riff raff?  
  
Harry: I think they ran away...they were on the Muggle news today. The cops   
all think that they're raving lunatics. Dudley's been in trouble with them  
before.  
  
George: Why?  
  
Harry: *Whispers to George*  
  
A/N: If you want to know what happened to Dudley last summer (MUAHAHAHAHA!!!)  
Then put it in your review.  
  
George: OH MAN!!  
  
Harry: Hey, Ron.  
  
Ron: Harry...is that...is that...  
  
Harry: What, you mean my snake?  
  
Ron: *Faints*  
  
Arthur: Ron's fainted! *Pause* Oh well.  
  
Percy: Yes, lets check out the house!  
  
Molly: Lets all run amok!  
  
Nagino: Are they crazy?  
  
Harry: No, no. Everybody's been acting like this lately for one reason or   
another.  
  
Arthur: He's...he's talking to snakes!  
  
Percy: Ah! Salazar is coming back!  
  
*The Weasley's scatter*  
  
Harry: Is there something wrong?  
  
*Ron wakes up*  
  
Ron: Harry...where's my family? *Looks around, and gets up* Oh no...the   
walls...they're closing in! They're watching me! THEY'RE ALL WATCHING ME!  
AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Harry: OMIG! Ron's gotten paranoid!  
  
*Harry and Nagino start screaming*  
  
Molly: Harry, dear, is it safe?   
  
Harry: Mrs. Weasley, it always was safe!   
  
Percy: So we can come out of hiding?  
  
Harry: Yes. If you don't, I'll never get to the traib station!  
  
Nagino: And that guy was actually a Prefect?  
  
Harry: Nagino!  
  
Nagino: What?!   
  
Harry: Nevermind!  
  
*The Weasley's come out from behind couches and chairs*  
  
Ron: Harry...are they still watching me?  
  
Harry: No one was ever watching you.  
  
Ron: Oh. *Brushes himself off* Should we go, now?  
  
Arthur: No! I need to look around first, and look at all the Muggle  
appliances. Oh, and Harry...I think you should know this...  
  
Harry: What is it?  
  
Arthur: Harry...I am your father...  
  
Harry: Really?  
  
Arthur: No, not really. It just sounded good.  
  
Harry: Oh...  
  
Ginny: THANK GOD!!!  
  
Molly: Excuse me?  
  
Nagino: What?  
  
Ginny: Nevermind.  
  
Fred: Want a candy while my dad is looking around?  
  
Harry: Uh...no thank you...I...er, think I'll just look around with your dad.  
You know, in case he needs any references.  
  
George: Whatever.  
  
Molly: Arthur, please be careful with the items.   
  
Arthur: Oh, don't worry, Molly, I won't.  
  
Molly: Arthur!  
  
Arthur: Just kidding, Molly. *Looks up at the clock* Harry, what are those  
weird numbers on that appliance?  
  
Harry: Well, Mr. Weasley, since the little stick thingie is pointing to the  
6, and the long thingie is pointing to the 3, that means that it's 6:15.  
  
Arthur: How is the 3 a 15?  
  
*Now the door opens, and Hermione is standing in the doorway. How did she get  
there? Well, maybe we'll find that out in the Twighlight Zone! Doo doo doo   
doo! Doo doo doo doo! Ehem, moving along*  
  
Hermione: Well, Mr. Weasley, for the big hand, each of the numbers goes by  
five. The 1 is a 5, the 2 is a 10, the 3 is a 15, and so on.   
  
Arthur: Very interesting...Wait a minute...  
  
Ron: Hermione, how did you get here?  
  
Percy: I would like to know that as well, Ms. Granger.  
  
Hermione: Oh, PLEASE, Percy! I went to your house, and saw a bunch of gnomes  
throwing beer against the side of the house, so I could tell you weren't  
home.  
  
Harry: Excuse me, Hermione, beer?  
  
Molly: Hermione, explain.  
  
Hermione: Well, when I got over there, there was all these gnomes running  
around the lawn, with Millers Lights in their hands. They were throwing it  
against the house...actually, they were throwing themselves at the house,   
too, but...  
  
Arthur: But I had Fred and George de-gnome the lawn today...  
  
*This is the part with the akward silence that Donkey was talking about in  
Shrek. UH OH! No, not really. I mean, there IS an akward silence...OH,   
FORGET IT! Back to the story*  
  
Molly: Fred...George...  
  
Fred: We did, mum!  
  
George: Honest!  
  
Fred: I don't know HOW they got back!  
  
*But everyone can tell that the twins are obviously faking, thanks to their  
eyes being wider than necessary, and Fred's emphasis (sp?) on the word 'how'*  
  
Nagino: Oh, please! These guys are fruit cakes!  
  
Ginny: What did that thing say?  
  
Harry: It said that Fred and George are fruitcakes.  
  
George: Hey!  
  
Nagino: Well it's true!  
  
Harry: Forget it, Nagino! I'm not going to translate every solitary word you  
say!  
  
Nagino: How about every sentance I say?  
  
Harry: Trust me, if that was so, you would never FINISH a sentance.  
  
Arthur: What are they SAYING?  
  
Molly: I don't know, dear! But Fred, George, do you have any idea how the  
gnomes got back, and drunk?  
  
Fred: I don't know how they got drunk! We don't hide Muggle Beer in the  
lawn!  
  
George: But, how they got back? Well, I might have a clue...  
  
Molly: Spill it, boys!  
  
George: Well, our wrists were reeeallly hurting this morning, so...  
  
Fred: I reckon we just didn't spin them enough.  
  
Molly: Boys!  
  
Fred and George: What?!  
  
Hermione: Hey, guys! We really need to get to Kings Cross Station NOW!  
  
Harry: By the way, Hermione, how DID you get here?  
  
Hermione: Maybe I got sick of you getting to do all the fun stuff all the  
time...  
  
Harry: Hermione, did you really...?  
  
Hermione: Yep, Harry! Guess who actually got a broomstick! My parents didn't  
want me spending to much on it, so I just got a Bluebottle. But I've heard  
those were really nice, and...  
  
Harry and Ron: Hermione, I'm so proud of you!  
  
*Harry and Ron both run up to hug Hermione*  
  
Hermione: *Waves them away* Whoa, no touching! No touching! No touch!  
  
Ron: SHE'S A DEMON LLAMA!  
  
Harry: Ron, shut up.  
  
Ron: DEMON...okay.  
  
Nagino: All of these people are nuts!  
  
Harry: Calm down, I'm sure they're just having an off day.  
  
Percy: Do you know what it...  
  
Harry: FORGET IT!  
  
Hermione: Come on, guys! We really need to get to that train.  
  
Harry: Yeah. *Turns to the Weasleys* So, how did all of you get here?  
  
Arthur: We decided to take a chance, and ride our broomsticks!  
  
Harry: Mr. Weasley, you work at the Ministry! You...  
  
Arthur: Oh, don't worry, I have permission from Fudge.  
  
Harry: You DO?  
  
Arthur: Oh, yes. Shall we go, now?   
  
Molly: Oh, and no worries, dear, Percy will apparate with your luggage, and  
load it onto the train.  
  
Harry: EEEK! SHE READ MY MIND!!!  
  
Ginny: Harry, she was just suggesting...oh, Harry GET that gross snake off   
your shoulder!  
  
Nagino: Hey, you mess with me, you're messing with...me. Okay, so that didn't  
work!  
  
*So Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the Weasleys (except Percy) go   
outside, and ride their broomsticks to the train station, singing songs like  
"On Top of Old Smokey", "On Top of Spegetthi (I'm sorry, but I CANNOT spell  
that)", "The Song that Never Ends", and "The Song that gets on Everybody's  
Nerves". Next time, 'The Trip to Hogwarts'!* 


	3. Trip to Hogwarts

*Welcome back as our heroes reach Kings Cross Station*  
  
Harry: I think someone saw us!  
  
Arthur: Oh, I don't know...those people were shooting at wild ducks...yes...  
  
Nagino: Sh...sh...shooting?  
  
Percy: Ah, you're here. And there's Penelope! Here's your luggage, Harry.  
Penelope!  
  
*She walks through the barrier*  
  
Percy: Penelope! Oh, drat! *Runs through the barrier*  
  
Fred: Let's all run through the barrier like wild animals!  
  
Molly: Good idea...oh, what am I saying? We can't we must all go separately!  
  
Fred: I know. We can do...mum, allow me to demonstrate: *Runs at the barrier  
screaming* YIEEEEEEEEEE!!!! *Jumps through the barrier!  
  
Ron: That looks fun! *Runs at the barrier* YAAAAAAAAA!!!!   
  
George: Good idea, Bros.! BANZAI!!!!!!!!!  
  
Arthur: Oh, Molly, it does look like fun!  
  
Molly: Yes...and after all, they are going through the barrier separately.   
Oh, I'll go, too! *Runs at the barrier* I'M COMING, BOYS! FOLLOW ME GINNY!  
ARTHUR! HARRY! BOOYAH!!!!   
  
Arthur: Well, she's gone...NOW WE CAN ALL RUN THROUGH TOGETHER!!! *Eyes   
widen, and he throws his head back, and laughs* FOLLOW ME, BOYS!!!  
  
Ginny: What?! I can't believe you did this to me! *Breaks down* I was born a  
boy, and you never told me!  
  
Harry: WHAT?!  
  
Arthur: ...and girls!  
  
Ginny: HOW DARE YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT?! *Runs after him, and pushes him   
through the barrier*  
  
*Harry follows*  
  
*Inside, Ginny is still screaming at Arthur and people are starting to stare*  
  
Harry: Shut up, you prat!  
  
Ginny: Not you, too! *Slaps him across the face*  
  
*Meanwhile, Draco sees the fiasco from the other side of the train station*  
  
Draco: Go Weasley!  
  
Ginny: My name is Ginny! *Runs up and slaps him*  
  
Draco: How could you? *Slaps her*  
  
Ginny" How could YOU? *Slaps him*  
  
*Draco and Ginny start slapping each other*  
  
Ron: Come on, Harry. We better...get on the train...  
  
*Harry and Ron board the train with Hermione, and find an empty compartment*  
  
Hermione: I wonder if they're still at it? *Looks out the window, and sees  
Ginny and Draco wrestling. Opens the window* GO, DRACO!  
  
*Harry and Ron stare at her*  
  
Hermione: *Pause* I WAS POSSESSED! POSSESSED I TELL YOU!!!  
  
Ron: Okay...Hey, Harry, what did Dudley do last summer?  
  
Harry: Oh, that. *Smiles evilly* Well... *whispers*  
  
Ron: *Spits out his pumpkin juice, and starts howling with laughter*  
  
Hermione: Ron, don't you know that's rude?  
  
Ron: *Realizes something* DON'T YOU KNOW my name? That was her, this is me!  
We're different as can be...  
  
Harry: Ron!  
  
Ron: She and I are nothing alike...  
  
Hermione: SHUT UP!!  
  
*Cho walks into the compartment*  
  
Cho: *Looks at the seat next to Harry* Is this seat taken?  
  
Harry: No...  
  
*Ginny comes in*  
  
Ginny: It is, now. See ya, Chow!  
  
Cho: My name is Cho, you cracker!  
  
Ginny: Not again! *Slaps her*  
  
Cho: Hey! *Slaps Ginny*  
  
Harry: Go Cho!  
  
Ginny: How dare you! *Slaps him*  
  
Ron: How many times are we going to go through this?!  
  
*They slowly push Cho and Ginny out the compartment door, and slide it shut*  
  
Nagino: I can still hear them.  
  
Harry: They'll stop sooner or later.  
  
Voice: Whatever...  
  
Ron: Who was that?  
  
Hermione: Sounds like...  
  
All: Peeves!  
  
Peeves: Yep.  
  
Hermione: What are you doing now? Are you going to turn the lights off, or  
stop the train?  
  
Peeves: No. I'm just enjoying a nice magarita!  
  
Ron: He's gone wacko! What a nutter!  
  
Peeves: That's me!  
  
All: AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Peeves: MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
*The compartment opens*  
  
Minerva: Peeves! I got a signal from my new high tech radio telling me that  
you were here!  
  
Hermione: But we're almost at Hogwarts. Muggle appliances like radios don't  
work!  
  
Minerva: I know! It's imaginary! Isn't it great?  
  
Hermione: Um...no...  
  
Minerva: Detention for you, Granger!  
  
Hermione: *Quietly* Yes!  
  
Minerva: I heard that, missy! Detention terminated!  
  
Hermione: Aw man!   
  
Ron: Hermione, is that really you in there?  
  
Hermione: *Grins*  
  
Minerva: Enough! Peeves! I'm taking you up front. Granger, if you show up at  
detention, I'll personally see that...that...oh, I don't know. I'll determine  
you're punishment if you show to detention.  
  
Hermione: But I want...  
  
Minerva: Enough said, Granger!  
  
*Minerva exits*  
  
Hermione: She always ruins my fun...  
  
Nagino: Ruins?!  
  
Harry: Don't mind her, she's crazy.  
  
*Hermione takes out a tub-o-wear container out*  
  
Ron: What's in there?  
  
Hermione: That surprise stuff from Wayside School. Todd or someone from the  
thirtieth story said he got some weird side effects.  
  
Harry: Wait, you know Todd?  
  
Hermione: Oh sure! And Leslie, and Paul, and Benjamin, and Mac, and...  
  
Nagino: Make it shut up!  
  
Hermione: And Mrs. Jewls. and Sammy the dead rat, and Kathy, and Dameon, and  
Myran, and...  
  
Ron: Hermione...  
  
Hermione: No, there's no one called Hermione there. I also know Terrance, and  
Louis, and Allison, and Rondi, and those...other people...oh, I also know  
Mr. Pikel, or something! He's the school guidance counselor, and he gave me a  
checkup a few days ago! He made me find a way to stop being such a know it   
all!  
  
Harry: Okay, can we stop talking about Wayside?  
  
Hermione: But I didn't eat the surprise dish Ms. Mush gave me when I spent  
the day at Wayside. Ms. Zarves said she liked it a lot.  
  
Ron: But there is no Ms. Zarves, and there is no Nineteenth story...  
  
Harry: CAN YOU EAT YOUR FOOD SO YOU CAN BOTH SHUT UP, AND STOP TALKING ABOUT  
THAT WAYSIDE SCHOOL?!  
  
Hermione: Oh, all right! *Takes a bite, and looks at Ron. Her eyes glaze  
over, and her face turns different colors. She runs up to Ron and gives him a  
big smooch, and then returns to normal*  
  
Ron: Hermione! *Wipes his lips with his sleeve* UGH!!!  
  
Hermione: What'd I do? What'd I do?  
  
Nagino: Is she kidding?  
  
Harry: Hermione, you just kissed Ron! You sicko!  
  
Ron: Don't go callin' me a sicko!  
  
Harry: I didn't mean you!  
  
*Ginny runs in*  
  
Ginny: Don't go tricking my brother like that! *Slaps Harry*  
  
*Ginny runs out*  
  
Harry: Why does she keep DOING THAT?  
  
Hermione: She's paranoid.  
  
Harry: Not like Ron.  
  
Ron: I am NOT paranoid! *Pause* Oh my God, Harry, is somebody watching me?  
  
Loudspeaker: Attention all students, we will be arriving in Hogwarts in   
twenty minutes. All students that do not have their school robes on yet,   
please change now.  
  
Hermione: I have to change.  
  
*Ginny runs in again*  
  
Ginny: Me first! *Slaps Hermione, and runs out*  
  
*The door opens and a new girl comes in. She has long blond hair so light   
that it's almost silver down to her waist, and turquois eyes*  
  
Girl: Excuse me but I don't know where the bathroom is. *Points to  
Hermione* How about you?  
  
Hermione: Sure, come with me, and I'll take you. Just one thing...don't flush  
the toilet! It will take you to the fiery underworld! Bwahahahaha!  
  
Girl: You know, I'm not sure I want to go with you. Maybe I'll go ask someone  
else.  
  
Harry and Ron: I'll take you! *Look at each other* No! Me!  
  
*Draco comes in with slap-markes on his face*  
  
Draco: Allow me...  
  
*Pansy comes in*  
  
Pansy: No, Draco! I don't want you with any other girl! I'LL take her!  
  
Draco: *All mushy* All right, Pansy, dearest!  
  
*Pansy takes the girl out*  
  
Ron: Oh my God, Draco, are you okay?  
  
Draco: Well I have to listen to Pansy. After all, she's my girl!  
  
Harry: You are NASTY!  
  
Hermione: Draco and pug-faced Pansy Parkinson!   
  
Draco: Don't call her that! She is not pug-faced! Her face looks like a   
Chow-chow!  
  
Harry: Yeah, that's a lot better!  
  
Draco: Isn't it? *Swaggers out*  
  
Ron: At least he's still swaggering like a macho...  
  
Hermione: Yeah, but he's still going cuckoo.  
  
Harry: And you're not?  
  
Nagino: I think they're all going nuts.  
  
Harry: Yes, that's what is seems like.  
  
Ron: Harry, STOP talking to that snake! There are better things to talk to!  
Like US!  
  
Hermione: Yeah, Harry! I don't think that I want to be in here with you right  
now! I'm going to change. Smell ya later, Potter. *Walks off with rock music  
playing in the backround*  
  
*The rock music shakes, and stops*  
  
Harry: *Looks around to see where the noise was coming from* That was...  
  
Ron: Scary...  
  
Loudspeaker: Attention all students, we have now arrived at Hogwarts.  
  
Harry: Hermione is still in the bathroom...  
  
Ron: Should we go get her?  
  
Loudspeaker: Everyone must get off the train now. If not...no one will even  
find your shadow...  
  
Harry and Ron: We've got to get her!  
  
*Harry and Ron go to the bathroom, and stand by the door*  
  
Ron: *Quietly* Hermione...Hermione...  
  
Harry: She's never going to hear that! *A little louder* Hermione...  
  
Ron: HERMIONE!!!  
  
*Hermione doesn't come out*  
  
Harry: Go in and get her.  
  
Ron: I'm not going to go into the girls bathroom. YOU'RE going to go into the  
girls bathroom.  
  
Harry: No, YOU are!  
  
Ron: YOU ARE!!  
  
Loudspeaker: ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS! IF YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN OFF THE TRAIN   
YET, GET OFF IT, NOW!!!! THAT MEANS YOU MR. POTTER, MR. WEASLEY, MS. GRANGER,  
AND MS. DELACOUR! *Pause* ALL RIGHT, MS. CHANG, AND MS. WEASLEY, BREAK IT UP!  
  
Harry: Just go in already!  
  
Ron: Wait, did he say Ms. Delacour? Wasn't that Fleur's last name?  
  
Harry: Hey, it was! Maybe we'll meet her. But hey, why wasn't she sent to  
Beauxbatons.  
  
Voice: Well, no accent would make me stand out, and I'd rather not go all the  
way to France.   
  
*Harry and Ron turn around, and the girl that they had met earlier is  
standing in the doorway*  
  
A/N: Reminder, I am writing this as it comes to my head.  
  
Ron: Oh God, it's you!  
  
Girl: You don't have a problem with me, do you?  
  
Ron: No! O-of course not!  
  
Harry: So, do you have any relatives named Fleur?  
  
Loudspeaker: POTTER, WEASLEY, GRANGER, DELACOUR, OFF! NOW!!!  
  
Hermione: Runs out of the bathroom.  
  
Nagino: Hey, Hermione! Can I come with you!  
  
Harry: *Puts Nagino down* Just meet me in my room, okay?  
  
Nagino: Gotcha. *Slithers away*  
  
Girl: I'll tell you when we get off. I don't want that guy to be any madder  
at me.  
  
*So the kids got off the train, and headed for the school building. How is  
this girl related to Fleur? Is the part Veela? Find out next time in this  
wacked out Harry Potter skit!* 


End file.
